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NieBuck's Shitty News
 
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Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in NieBuck's Shitty News From Around The World!'s LiveJournal:

Sunday, July 10th, 2005
8:45 am
[adas]
From The Mouth Of A Bush....
Today, George Bush's idiot brother Jeb, govenor of Florida, said this about the oncoming hurricane:

"I think there is a legitimate feeling, 'Why me? What did I do wrong?'"

Insert MST3K style comment here, folks....
Thursday, May 12th, 2005
2:21 pm
[adas]
Up to my ears in it
OK I am having serious issues with a certain gay click in the San Francisco area. How do I expose them as the assholes they truely are and make them stop their evil ways?
Sunday, April 17th, 2005
1:20 pm
[adas]
Reefer Madness Review
PRAY FOR THE SOULS OF OUR NATION'S YOUTH! There is a scourge out there more addictive than Heroin, turning all of our nation into hooligans and whores! This powerful weapon against moral values is the new public enemy #1. This evil demon seed of Satan is MARIJUANA!
"Reefer Madness" was originally titled "Tell Your Children" and was a 1936 propaganda film released theatrically and was created by the US Government and some Christian groups to scare parents into becoming watch dogs over every move their children makes. In the 90s, it was adapted into a hit off-Broadway musical extravaganza. Today, it is an over the top outrageous movie event that can only be seen on Showtime.

For those who have never seen the original turkey, its about Jimmy, a young school boy who takes one puff of Reefer and turns into a sex crazed homicidal maniac. Yes...after one puff. The rest is an insane and absolutely untrue tale about the effects of marijuana. The ridiculousness of the situation has become even more over the top, complete with a jungle dance orgy and Jesus Christ as a Las Vegas lounge singer.

When you have a movie musical that is based on a bad film, you have to expect it to be over the top campy. In some cases, it gets a tad bit too campy in this film. Kristian Bell as wholesome Mary Lane tends to take the wholesome white-girl stereotype a bit too far. Too far to the point where when she meets her fate, you don't care. I don't know if that was done intentionally, but it was a bit too much for my taste.

Also overblown a bit was Jimmy's (Christian Campbell) reaction to getting high. It made him look like he turned into some sort of sci fi evil scientist's assistant. I understand that it was supposed to be ridiculous, but this was TOO ridiculous. There is overacting, then there is just flat out too much. Fortunately, this and the character Mary Lane are the only two strikes against this film.

Ana Gasteyer absolutely shines as Mae, the co owner of the pot house who was once pure but is now addicted to "The Stuff" herself. She has the right level of melodrama and camp that makes her character an absolute blast. Though her job is to supply the reefer, she has a heart and doesn't want to corrupt the youth. However, she is a slave to "The Stuff". When she sings about being raped while high, you don't know whether to laugh at her or feel pity for her.

Alan Cumming is good in anything he does, this is a proven fact, and as The Lecturer, he shines again. A man full of propaganda and fear enducing paranoia, he has a single mission and is willing to do whatever it takes to accomplish it. He also appears as FDR, and as a very naughty Satan that is a throwback to his star making performance in Broadway's "Cabaret". He is cold and calculating and a balst to watch manipulate like the puppet master he is.

If there is one moment that will have everyone talking, it will be the musical number performed by Jesus Christ. With the style and grace of Tom Jones, Robert Torti takes Jesus and portrays him in a way that will have every single evangelical in this nation cry blood. The best song lyrics in the whole film shine in the song "Listen To Jesus" with great lyrics like "Listen to Jesus Jimmy/do it fast or you'll repent boy/Listen to Jesus Jimmy/Gotta give it up for Lent boy". The performance even features a backup choir featuring Joan of Arc.

To miss this film is a mistake. Believe it or not the film turns from an over the top campy celebration of the cult classic into a political statement about how America can get too paranoid and when taught right, become sheep. A fitting message in these times that will most likely be dismissed as liberal propaganda, but they must remember, this musical existed BEFORE Bush took office...so there.

B+
Thursday, April 14th, 2005
2:21 pm
[adas]
Stupid Celebrity Quotes
Once in a while, a celebrity will say something that makes us shake our heads in pain. Here is some of them....
Thanks to dean for this one:

"A lot of these songs are tailor-made to be sung live, so it would be great.":
Mariah Carey (referring to the possibility of going on tour with her latest album)

As apposed to those songs tailor made to be sung on Memorex I guess...

"When I am at home watching TV, I like to rub my booty. I like the way it feels":
Macy Gray

Uh...ok...gives new meaning to Interactive TV


"Oh, boy. I said to Jerry Zaks, 'No open mouths.' Jerry said, 'No, just a tender kiss.' I'll make believe it's Sophia Loren." :
Robert Goulet on how he'll handle kissing co-star Gary Beach in "La Cage aux Folles" on Broadway

And Robert Goulet will pretend you are Justin Timberlake, Gary.....


"Our belly buttons aren't pretty and we can't dance. All we can do is sing and play these instruments." :
Don Henley of the Eagles

Wow, you mean....like actualy sing play an instrument instead of lip sync and shit? Like an ACTUAL musician and shit? Wow, deep....not ready for that concept.

"I'm not that much of a ladies' man. Romantic things people do - like putting candles around the house - I see that as more of a fire hazard."
Jimmy Fallon

Actually some women are into that....

"I started really young dressing up in my grandfather's clothes. I remember (he) had, like, woolen, really thick pants, you know, and I cut off the legs by the knee":
Bjork

Just smile and nod, and she won;t beat you up....

"Having a volumptuous figure can be intimidating to other women":
singer Dannii Minogue

It has been a long time singe I can exclaim this but here it goes...OH, SHUT UP BITCH!

" [Jane told me] ‘When you're ready, call me and I'll tell you what's right and what's wrong, so you won't get yourself in any trouble.'":
Jennifer Lopez, on her "Monster in Law" co star Jane Fonda.

Lesson One: Do not set yourself on an anti aircraft cannon from the enemy and sing songs of peace....

OK THAT IS ALL FOR NOW! Take care.
Wednesday, April 13th, 2005
6:10 pm
[adas]
News Update
OK lets take a look at the news....

Britney Spears announced on Tuesday that she was pregnant with her first child, thus confirming what EVERYONE ELSE IN AMERICA KNEW ALREADY...AGAIN! I mean come on Mz Spears, first you admit to us you are not virginal after all when others spill the beans and NOW you admit too late to this news? Can you keep anything a secret successfully? ANyway, lets continue... On her official website, Britney posted "The time has finally come to share our wonderful news that we are expecting our first child together. There were reports that I was in the hospital this weekend. Kevin and I just want everyone to know that all is well. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Love Britney and Kevin," the brief posting said.

Kevin responded to the news by paying $50 for a lapdance by Miss Pussai Tigress at The Cheetah in Las Vegas.

Jackson Update:

Holding her arms out to the jury, the mother of Michael Jackson's teenage accuser sobbed and pleaded, "Please don't judge me!" as she recounted her family's involvement with the pop star in dramatic testimony Wednesday. She then realized that the one guy she mistakened for Simon Cowell in the jury wasn't him. Looking directly at the jury during a convoluted and sometimes tearful account, the woman once punctuated her words by snapping her fingers and later affected the German accent of a Jackson associate. She addressed news reporters directly at one point, and at other times glanced at Jackson, who sat motionless at the defense table....dreaming of soft silky boy booty. "I thought, 'What a nice guy,'" she said. "I was just like a sponge, believing him, trusting him." She recounted what she sarcastically called Jackson's "lovey dovey speech" at a Florida hotel room, in which Jackson told the family "in a very male voice" that he would be their father figure and protector.

Anyone else creeped out by that last statement like I am...I mean a "very male voice" from Michael Jackson. RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT

Asked by Senior Deputy District Attorney Ron Zonen about her memory of the events, she pointed to her head and exclaimed: "Some things are just burned in here." Like her brain cells I guess...She then offered an account, in conflict with testimony of other witnesses, in which she described seeing Jackson lick her son's head during a February 2003 flight from Miami to California on a private jet. "Everyone was asleep. I had not slept for so long," she said. "I got up. I figured this was my chance to figure out what was going on back there. And that's when I saw Michael licking (the boy's) head." She sobbed, pounded her chest and said, "I thought I was seeing things. I thought it was me." Then she was asked why she didn't make Michael Jackson stop, and she replied with pointing to her head and saying "Some things are just burned in here.".


Later....
Saturday, April 9th, 2005
4:09 pm
[adas]
Uh yeah.....news
OK lets look at what is going on in the news BESIDES the Pope's funeral...

Prince Charles and his pet dog are set to get married to each other in a common wedding. Queen Elizabeth II is not attending (she has more inportant things to do, like fart in a pillow), the public still bridles at accepting Camilla Parker Bowles as a future queen instead of a cocker spanial, and many pine for the late Princess Di — but at last Prince Charles is marrying his true love...a woman he once wished he was the tampon of (eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew). Charles' fiancee will enter the 17th-century town hall as Camilla Parker Bow-wowles. She will leave half an hour later, technically the Princess of Wales — a title she wishes to avoid in deference to memories of Diana. She will be known instead as Duchess of The Gravy Train....I MEAN Cornwall.

The latest in a parade of former Michael Jackson employees to take the stand against their ex-boss testified Friday that he once saw Jackson with his hand inside child star Macaulay Culkin's shorts but didn't tell anyone because "nobody would have ever believed this." It explains how Culkin nailed that scream in "Home Alone". Phillip LeMarque said that one night in 1991, he was delivering an order of french fries to Jackson at Neverland's arcade and saw the singer holding Culkin up to a video game console with one hand on the boy's waist and the other in the boy's shorts. Realizing it was not a Muppet that Jackson was teaching how to play "Pole Position", he turned and ran. "I was shocked. I almost dropped the french fries," said LeMarque, 70, who described his job as "major domo food." He said he sneaked away and then returned, loudly announcing himself. How British sex farcy..."QUICK! THE VICAR'S COMING WITH FRENCH FRIE, PUT YOUR KNICKERS ON!"

Anna Nicole Smith has canceled a trip to Newfoundland to protest the killing of seals because of concerns about safety. Plus she also found out Newfoundland doesn't like her body. The model and reality TV star had been scheduled to join a protest by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) in the Canadian province that is three sylables that should be broken up. When the animal rights group learned that her security could not be guaranteed, they advised her to cancel. Unfortunately they only advised her to cancel her trip and not her so-called career. Instead, Smith issued a statement on www.furisdead.com, a PETA Web site, which read: "The sealing industry says that it is killing more seals because of an increase in demand for fur — all fur. Anyone who buys a mink or fox fur coat or a jacket trimmed in fur bears responsibility for creating an environment of demand for the furs of these baby seals."

She then announced that the president of PETA was FREEKIN' GENIUS!



OK , that is all for now. More to come soon
3:38 pm
[adas]
Welcome To The Community
Do you have a wicked sense of humor? Ever read the news and just feel like you want to attack it? Want to speak your true mind about events and celebs without being told you are an asshole? LOOK NO FURTHER THAN HERE! Feel free to post news articles, be it big articles of major headlines, celeb gossip, or even stories so stupid they are hard to belive its true, and comment however the hell you want...be it funny, witty, or bitchy. Just have fun in this community with the news and giving the news the spanking it deserves....SHARE AND ENJOY!
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